lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
