I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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