TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize