You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
