Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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