woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
