Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
