i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
