please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
