I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
