I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
