i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
