pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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