I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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