Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
