and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
