Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just high enough for therapy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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