Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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