Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
