remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
