Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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