He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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