I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
