Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
