He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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