Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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