i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
