my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
