if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
