I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
