You're completely useless in the revolution.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
