At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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