Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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