i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
