Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
