I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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