What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
