I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
