That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
