I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
