i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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