oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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