btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
