I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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