The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
