im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
