no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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