I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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