I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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