I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize