I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
