every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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