The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
