I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
