She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
