Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
