I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
