She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
