We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
