Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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