He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my vag is so smooth its legendary
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
