I accidentally burped into my bong.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
