you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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