I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I want a musical about memes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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