i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
