dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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